What should I do if I’m having potency problems?
If you have difficulty getting an erection, seek help. Don’t suffer in silence – as so many men do!
Also, don’t hide it from your partner. A lot of guys behave like this, and very often the result is that the other person decides that she is being scorned, or that ‘he doesn’t love me any more’.
Your first move should be to consult your GP.
If for any reason you don’t want to do that, then contact another medical/relationships agency, such as the ones listed at the end of this article.
Please don’t do daft things like:
- buying yourself some pills or potion off the Internet
- signing up with some clinic that asks you for £1,000 deposit
- going to a prostitute to see if she can cure you
- deciding that your life is over (it isn’t).
What will happen when I see a doctor or therapist?
If you go to a doctor, he should take a full history of your problem and then examine you to see if there are any physical causes for your ED.
A therapist or counsellor may be very useful, but they aren’t able to do physical examinations, nor can they prescribe drugs.
The doctor should also do a test for diabetes and possibly other lab tests as well.
After that, he may well be able to give you some indication of the likely cause of your ED. If he can’t, then ask if can refer you to someone who can give you further help.
Once the cause(s) of your erectile dysfunction has been identified, you can get treatment.
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Sexual Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is the most common sexual problem for men. It is a lack of control over ejaculation so that it often happens sooner than the man or his partner would want. How soon depends on the individual.
Some men ejaculate as soon as foreplay starts. Others lose control when they try to insert their penis, while some ejaculate very quickly after penetration. Whatever the case, premature ejaculation can create tension between a man and his partner.
Occasionally losing control is normal
Premature ejaculation is only a problem if it happens all the time. It’s important to remember that most men occasionally reach orgasm sooner than they’d like. For example, it is normal for a man to ejaculate quickly the first time he has sex. It is also normal if a man hasn’t ejaculated for a long time. The occasional loss of control doesn’t mean the man has a sexual problem.
The causes are psychological
There doesn’t seem to be any physical cause for premature ejaculation. Although the exact cause is unknown, it is suspected that the problem is psychological. Some factors include:
- Depression or anxiety, particularly about performance
- Feeling anxious about rejection
- Expecting failure
- Feeling afraid of harm (some men have an irrational fear that penetration can cause injury to the penis)
- Negative sexual experiences in childhood
- Religious beliefs
- Problems within the relationship.
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New premature ejaculation trial launched
A new study into premature ejaculation has been launched. Researchers hope to improve their insight into this common, and often highly emotionally wounding, condition.
The study will be carried out by American researchers from The Patient Recruitment Agency. The organisation is currently on the lookout for volunteers aged between 18 and 54 – if you are interested in taking part you should visit The Patient Recruitment Agency website.
Estimates suggest that up to one in three men suffers from problems ejaculating too fast at some time or another. Last year a new drug called Priligy was launched to help men overcome this problem. Priligy is clinically proven to help men last longer during sex. Clinical trials, conducted before Priligy was released, showed that it could make sex last three times longer.
The stigma of premature ejaculation prevents many men from talking about the condition with their partners, friends, or doctors. The result of this silence can be that the situation simply gets worse; premature ejaculation has been held responsible for relationship break-ups, depression and anger. The cause of PE is unclear, but it may result from psychological problems, such as excessive anxiety about pleasing your partner. There may be physical causes in some cases too.
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How common are ejaculation problems?
Common Ejaculation Problems
When it comes to ejaculation, there are basically three different things that can go wrong.
- Premature ejaculation is by far the biggest complaint that men have about their sexual performance. After studying data gathered by the National Health and Social Life Survey, sociologist Edward Laumann, PhD, estimated that a third of American men complain that they ejaculate too quickly. They want to last longer during intercourse to prolong the pleasure, both for themselves and their partners.
- Delayed ejaculation (or retarded ejaculation) affects a much smaller number of men - as few as 3%, according to some estimates. It’s one of the most poorly understood ejaculation problems. Some men cannot reach orgasm at all, at least not with a partner.
- Retrograde ejaculation is the least common of the ejaculation problems. It causes semen to back into the bladder during orgasm instead of exiting by way of the penis. The semen is then later flushed out when you urinate.
Retrograde ejaculation can be caused by diabetes, nerve damage, various medications, and surgery that disturbs the sphincter muscle. It’s harmless and won’t interfere with the feeling of orgasm. (It can also make for an easy post-sex clean-up.) But since it does affect fertility, some men may need treatment if their partners are trying to get pregnant.
Treating Ejaculation Problems
Are ejaculation problems an issue of mind over matter?
Well, if a man and his partner don’t mind how long it takes him to ejaculate, then it really doesn’t matter. For example, Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex therapist and author of She Comes First, advises men to bring their partners to the brink of orgasm before having intercourse. Then, if he’s prone to premature ejaculation, it doesn’t matter since both of them come away satisfied.
Conversely, if a man takes longer than average to ejaculate, but both partners enjoy marathon sex sessions, then delayed ejaculation can be a real plus.
However, some men do mind how long it takes them to ejaculate. They mind a lot — and so do their partners. But while the mind often plays a big role in creating ejaculation problems, it’s also key in overcoming them. Here are some tips on what to do.
What Causes Delayed Ejaculation?
There are lots of different reasons for delayed ejaculation. Some medicines — like antidepressants — are common culprits. For many men, it’s age. As we grow older, the nerve endings in the penis become less sensitive, according to Barbara Keesling, PhD, author of All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man Over 50, and a professor of human sexuality at the University of California, Fullerton.
"When the reflexes slow down, it takes longer," Keesling says. "Another thing that happens with age is that your erection ability goes down too, so it becomes more difficult to ejaculate without a full erection.”
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premature ejaculation: anxiety reduction
Let’s start with what we can do before our penis comes into play. First, you need to learn to calm yourself down and lower your performance anxiety levels. Because premature ejaculation is associated with infrequent sex, men with low frequencies of sexual activity often get extra excited and aroused, which can manifest as performance anxiety when sex presents itself. Even men with frequent sex can get extra aroused. Reducing anxiety is different for everyone.
Meditation, hypnosis or imagery exercises may help for some. Just like an athlete works with the sports psychologist to envision their performance, you can do the same sexual imagery for the bedroom. How many of you imagine positive sexual scenarios, envision your interactions and what behaviors you would engage in? Imagery can be like a positive mental plan, something you can fall back on that can help you manage your anxiety beforehand — and in the moment.
Communicating your anxiety is also helpful. We hear the expression, “a big relief to get that off my chest,” yet it’s rarely used for premature ejaculation. Talking with a partner, friend or therapist opens the door for anxiety relief and can help address and alleviate some of our fears. Men are notorious for keeping things inside and it’s no different for a delicate subject like this. Things like our penis size, body image, relationship difficulties, and stressors in life (work, financial, family, health) can all add to our anxiety levels in the bedroom. Lastly, pick up some sex education books/DVDs on sex technique and . There are thousands out there and the more sex education you have, the more competent, confident and less anxious you’ll feel.
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Tips for Prevent Premature Ejaculation
What’s the No. 1 sexual issue that men face today? OK, the guy who said finding a sexual partner wins — I’ll give you that one. What’s the second then? Chances are most of you said premature ejaculation, and most of you likely had a reaction to that term — you felt some anxiety or thought about clicking back to your streaming porn that’s taking forever to download. It’s time to stop avoiding the issue and look at it. Why? For the simple reason that we only live once and having the best possible sex life should be an item on our bucket lists.
The Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV) defines premature ejaculation as a persistent or recurrent ejaculation with minimal sexual stimulation before, on or shortly after penetration and before a person wishes. Wow, that’s not a sexy definition. Personally, I define it as you come quicker than you or your partner wants.
How often does this occur in different age groups for men? According to the 1999 NHSLS survey by Laumann et al., 30% of men ages 18-29, 32% ages 30-39, 28% ages 40-49, and 31% ages 50-59 stated climaxing too early was an issue. I know some of you were hoping age would slow things down. If men were asked if they’ve ever had at least one experience of premature ejaculation, almost every guy would get in line for their membership card.
What causes premature ejaculation? There’s not one cause; it’s a combination of factors. Some believe anxiety is the culprit, repetitive learned behaviors, excessive or insufficient arousal, or muscular tension. They’re all associated, and addressing each of them is the key to curing premature ejaculation. Evolutionary psychology suggests men learned to ejaculate quickly to ensure they completed the sex act before a predator attacked, a female escaped, a male interrupted, or to increase the chance of procreation. Maybe we can blame the cavemen? For our purposes, let’s leave the scientists to figure out the causes and let’s focus on tips for curing premature ejaculation.
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